I still remember Kelly’s expression when I told him we had our first appointment with a midwife. Honestly, I wasn’t sure either. I wanted to try on the idea, perhaps indulge in the possibility of empowerment and grace. Besides, I already felt connected to the sweet, empathetic telephone personality who “listened” to me sputtering questions and probably crying because of the nausea…(Ah, Lisa)!
I also remember Kelly’s look of “a ha!” when we left the BBC for the first time: No doubt mirroring my own. No need to explore further, that was clear. Wise, peaceful, and unmistakenly in charge, Mikelann, like Yoda, had a way of making things seem right and sensible. The energy and intent of the BBC were so aligned with our best wishes for the journey, we wouldn’t allow insurance coverage uncertainties or a ‘just in case’ mentality blur our focus. We followed our hearts and felt relieved.
I’ve come to realize pregnancy and childbirth as an ultimate exercise in ‘letting go’: a consistent theme throughout childbearing years. No aspect of my being was unaffected by the gradual shifting of myself into my new identity as ‘mother’. When I found myself already overdue, feeling nervous, and under pressure for labor to begin, I met with Kris, who supported me along a cathartic experience of self-realization. I treasure those meetings as a crucial step toward Ezra’s magical, natural arrival.
A week after our due date, the castor oil worked! My water had broken and I was feeling consistent, strong contractions all morning. We were at the BBC by 8a.m. Ezra was in my arms and nursing by 3:30p.m. that day.
Labor was: Excitement, Joy, Pain, Skin, Hugs, Water, Wrinkles, A Steady Heartbeat, a Flickering Flame, Kelly’s Eyes, OM, Music, Deep squatting, Touch, Fanning, Trust, Warmth, Fears, Green & Purple, Hunger, Smiling, Shaking, Kicking, Whispers, Surprises, Sunlight, Focus, Encouragement, Breathing, Knowing…Being.
Ezra’s birth was a multi-layered, many faceted experience that engaged every part of me. It was more that a physical experience and certainly much more that a medical event. It was the birth of a family.